The Being+Doing dilemma

“We are human beings, not human doings.” “I need to stop doing and be more.” When have you said something like this? Heard someone else?

I have. I can remember one instance vividly 20 years ago. I was living in a garden level flat in San Francisco; garden level is fancy for, basement. I recently moved from San Jose to be part of a newly forming spiritual community. We were united in a desire and sense of idealism and experimenting with what we called: Urban Monasticism. We were keen to find out what happens when a group of people commit to practicing what Jesus talked about and lived. It was our response to the present day incarnation of Gandhi's quote “I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ.” 

I took on this move inspired to live committed to values of justice, pragmatism, love, holism, and also contribute to creating a world filled with them. I recently completed my Master’s in engineering and worked as an independent IT consultant at the time to take care of the financial aspect of my life. A glamorized way of saying I was the welcome wagon for many complaints about technology and a fixer. I had finished several hours of work and a friend asked what I was going to do next – “I am just going to sit in that chair and be.” I felt the need for reprieve and a chance to breathe.

Diving deeper into those words. 

Back then I had a constitution that was excitable internally, like putting a big speaker in a small room, it didn’t take much for it to get loud, at least inside of me. Outside I presented as calm and together, internally I was a flutter. There was a significant chasm between how I was showing up externally and how I felt internally. In order to stay “together” my attention would naturally be externally focused. This kept me from consciously encountering the swirl within. A keyword in that previous sentence: consciously.